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Consumer Alert: Don't Let This Happen to You!

Have you ever downloaded an MP3? Have you ever taped a song off the radio? If so, the Department of State of the USofA Corporation WANTS YOU.

[Hillary Rosen]

The Recording Industry Artists of America, a longtime property of VioPac, in conjunction with our popular United States of America Corporation, has recently unveiled a new strategy aimed at music pirates. Termed "Operation Freedom", this bold new paradigm in digital rights management proposes to neutralize the pirate threat through proactive counterinsurgency.

Right now, VioPac forces under the direction of Hillary Rosen (shown to the right) are attacking known centers of music piracy and unauthorized distribution. One such stronghold, known to those in the piracy underground as "Afghanistan", is feeling the brunt of this initiative.


One of the major figures in the piracy underground is Osama bin Laden, who, from his headquarters in Afghanistan, is known to the RIAA to have illegally traded in a recording of Ricky Martin's "Livin' la Vida Loca". Using an electronic Intellectual Property Circumvention device known as a "cassette tape" (shown below), bin Laden pirated the song during an RIAA-approved broadcast in March of 1999. But the story doesn't stop there.

[ Intellectual Property
Circumvention Device ]
Intellectual Property Circumvention Device

In April of that same year, bin Laden is known to have engaged in the unauthorized redistribution of Ricky Martin's intellectual property when he played the pirated recording for a friend on his car stereo. Reports indicate that the song's theft has cost Ricky Martin an estimated 14.5 billion US dollars.

Osama bin Laden's industrial copyright infringement operation, not thought to be limited to Afghanistan, has been thrown into disarray by the continuing attack from the joint RIAA/USofA Corp initiative. While bin Laden still remains at large, sources close to the fighting report that little is left of the mechanized circumvention device he once held so dear.


Once the threat of unauthorized duplication is neutralized, and Osama bin Laden's gang of international pirates is buried under the rubble of their own tape-trading operation, the RIAA has plans to turn the forces of the USofA Corporation against domestic pirates. Using the powers granted to it by the recently passed "Homeland Defense" bill, the righteous power of the Recording Industry will be aimed at America itself. No MP3 pirate will be safe from Hillary Rosen, now hailed by many in the industry as the heir to Janet Reno's throne. All Intellectual Property pirates stand warned: if you have ever downloaded a song, whistled a tune, or taped an episode of the Brady Bunch, YOU WILL BE NEXT. We will stop at nothing to exact the just payment we deserve.

Note: Osama bin Laden also enjoys some small fame for being an international terrorist, a calling no doubt inspired by his continued efforts to defraud Intellectual Property holders of their fair recompense.

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